Basic Fairy Bitch

I was saying something that was important to me and was ignored. That person was supposed to hear me. What’s up with all the ignoring business? I was angry, irritated, flushed and ashamed. Ashamed. Ashamed. Ashamed.

I am kinda like a perfect picture with a broken frame.

I was suddenly a bitch barking at a wall. That was it. It felt like that. It really did. For a second, that was all I saw myself as. I was trying in vain. Why was I trying? Why was I so angry? I was so vain, I thought. Vain. Vain. Vain. And ashamed.

But that isn’t how it happens, okay? Vain and ashamed don’t go hand in hand. So what was I?

I don’t know my name. I don’t play by the rules of the game. So, you say I am not trying.

And I was told that the world is the way it is. And I didn’t want to play by it’s rules. And I was tired, suddenly. I was questioning myself if there was any point in living like this. Is there a point in living in a world that is this cruel? I was so, so terribly afraid of living like this, in a greedy world. Was I too sensitive? Was I stupid? What was wrong with me? Questions. Too many questions.

I just wanna dance with somebody.

Fairy tales are so easy to believe in. It’s so easy to believe that you can change the whole world as a child.

Keep it cool. Keep it calm. But, maybe I am just too bad?

Next, I found myself spiralling down the anxiety lane, planning my own death and a note to go with it. But I didn’t settle down there, you know. It’s hard to do so now. Because, now I know that settling down means defeat. And even though I was filled with angsty emotions, I was not, by any means, thinking of giving up.

For once I was thinking, ‘Is there a way to live in the cruel world? ‘. For once I was trying to find a way to ignore all the problems and just live.

Right now, it’s pretty crazy. I don’t know how to stop or slow it down.

Songs help. Songs help so much. I just had to change my playlist. And I did.

Don’t know where I am going, got no places. But I am looking for a place to unwind.

Sometimes, that is the solution to your biggest problems. Change the playlist. Go for a run. Sing. Paint. Write.

Soon enough I’ll be just another freak who took a leap of faith.

Positivity. Focus on positivity.

I need to be somebody I can trust.

And you know what? Just for the sake of it, make your own aesthetic. A basic fairy bitch. That’s my aesthetic. It’s weird but simple. And it makes me happy. So make your aesthetic. Go. Run with it. Make trouble.

You’re such a sweet little thing. Why you do this to yourself?

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